Bringing up a divorce to your spouse in Topeka, KS can be a daunting task. Even if you are absolutely sure that you want to move forward with the divorce process, discussing it with your spouse can cause extreme stress and anxiety. Sometimes it’s hard to know where to even start. Planning ahead for the conversation might not make it feel any easier, but preparing yourself before asking your spouse for a divorce or separation can lead to a smoother conversation.
Where and When to Have the Conversation
There’s never going to be a perfect moment, but it is crucial to consider where and when to have the conversation with your spouse before doing so.
Consider the Location
Choosing a space where both you and your spouse feel calm and safe can set the stage for a productive conversation instead of an explosive one. A private, quiet space is typically the best option. However, the location you choose may be different depending on your personal circumstances and preferences. Many individuals choose to have a conversation with their spouse in their home because it is often a comforting, safe place for both themselves and their spouse.
In the event that you believe your spouse may react irrationally or become violent, have the conversation in a public yet private place. Consider one of Topeka’s public parks as an option. There can be plenty of space to keep the discussion private and avoid being completely alone with your spouse at the same time. If you think you may need a mediator, some individuals choose to have their discussion during a session with a marriage counselor or couple’s therapist.
This is likely going to be a highly emotional, important conversation, so it’s essential that you and your spouse are able to listen intently without interruptions. Suggest that you both turn off your phones or any other electronics while you talk. If you have children, arrange for a friend or family member to watch them while you have the conversation. In addition to frequent interruptions, having your children around while you attempt to have such an emotional conversation can drastically inflate feelings. Informing your children about the divorce after you and your spouse have had time to process the initial discussion can help them understand and accept the situation better.
Prepare the Best Time
You may be ready to ask your spouse for a divorce, but it’s important to consider when it is appropriate to bring it up with your spouse.
Don’t bring up divorce randomly out of the blue. Although your spouse may be aware of how unhappy you are in the relationship, there is still a significant chance that your spouse can be surprised when you tell them. Letting your spouse know you’d like to have a private conversation about your relationship and scheduling a time to talk privately can help them digest what you have to say. Do not simply tell your spouse that you need to talk. Being excessively vague about the subject or not establishing a time for the both of you to have a conversation can only add more stress and anxiety for both of you.
Consider your partner’s emotional and physical state at the time. This conversation is not going to be easy. Trying to ask your spouse for a divorce while they’re sick or just getting home from a terrible day at work can be unproductive. Remember, you should never stay in an unhappy or unhealthy marriage for your partner’s sake. Waiting until your partner is in a better emotional or physical state is entirely subjective to the state of your marriage.
Plan Your Words in Advance
Asking your partner for a divorce is a conversation that you should not ad-lib. Starting an improvisatory discussion can cause the entire conversation to derail, and you could end up right back where you started.
Take time to think thoroughly about what you are going to say and how you are going to say it. You’ll want to make sure that you respectfully and clearly state that you are unhappy and why you feel that way. Remember that honesty really is the best policy when it comes to matters of divorce. Being honest is one of the best practices for an easier divorce experience. Plan to include more than just recent issues between you and your spouse. It is more than likely that consistent problems have been arising in your relationship, and it is important to address them. Speaking to your spouse about the underlying issues that have caused your desire to get a divorce can help them understand why you feel that it is necessary.
You may still care deeply for your spouse and don’t want to hurt them. However, potentially giving your spouse the idea that there is hope for your marriage can end up hurting them even more in the long run. You need to remain firm with your words. Plainly state that you have made up your mind, and you want to move forward with a divorce.
Even if there isn’t a doubt in your mind that your partner was responsible for the disintegration of your marriage, don’t start pointing fingers. When preparing what you are going to say to your spouse, avoid criticizing or ridiculing your spouse for their past behaviors. An attack from you during such an emotional and stressful conversation can end in an argument. You should plan to use statements that clearly convey how you feel without villainizing your spouse.
Consult a Topeka, KS Divorce Attorney
There is no singular, universal way to prepare to ask your spouse for a divorce. Every marriage is different, and you may need to approach the conversation in a different way than others. Hiring an experienced attorney won’t make the conversation between you and your spouse any easier, but they can alleviate the stress of navigating the legal process. By consulting an experienced Topeka, KS attorney, you can ensure that you have a prepared professional guiding you through the family court system.