When you realize your marriage has come to an end, filing for divorce is a significant step that will affect much more than just your relationship with your ex. It can affect your circle of friends, your job performance, and especially your kids. When your divorce is contested, the process of separating your life from your ex’s can get complicated and painful. To develop a parenting plan with a combative co-parent, speak with a Topeka divorce lawyer.
How to Co-Parent With a Combative Ex
Sometimes, a divorce can cause your ex’s true colors to emerge. You may start seeing a side of them you never noticed before. Contested divorces can cause your spouse to react emotionally, become stubborn, and do whatever they can to make things difficult for you out of spite or revenge. If you share kids, you cannot simply cut your ex out of your life. Depending on the custody agreement, you may have to see them all the time for drop-offs or PTA meetings.
Children can keep you connected to your ex forever, and it’s important that you do whatever you can to ensure you foster a positive environment for them. This can mean making peace with your ex or, at least, being civil with them for the sake of your kids. Developing a parenting plan with a combative ex can be difficult, but it is necessary for your kids’ well-being. If you feel your spouse is unfit for custody, gather evidence that supports that claim and present it to the court.
The last thing you want is for your ex to engage in parental alienation and make you out to be the bad guy in your kids’ eyes. While parental alienation is not a crime, it is something family courts do not look favorably on. If your ex tries to manipulate, threaten, or bribe your kids into choosing them over you, it can affect the custody. While your kids may be more aware of your marital problems than you think, they shouldn’t suffer for it.
According to information gathered by the CDC, the divorce rate in Kansas as of 2022 was significantly lower than the national divorce rate. The divorce rate in Kansas was 1.9 per 1,000 residents, and many of those couples have had to deal with combative co-parents. If you are struggling to adapt to your divorce, you may want to reach out to a local Topeka divorce support group, such as DivorceCare. It can be helpful to talk to somebody who understands your position.
How to Handle a Combative Co-Parent
When you find yourself dealing with a combative co-parent, the strongest thing you can do is be the bigger person and refuse to stoop to their level. Your priority must always be your kids, and you can continue to be a present, reliable parent for them. Refuse to respond to your ex’s hostility or underhanded tactics, document everything that could be seen as harassment, and bring evidence to the court if you feel their actions are getting out of hand.
It’s not easy to co-parent with somebody you no longer love or even trust. You may have to rely on them to be a good parent, and that can be hard to accept. Here are some reminders for interacting with difficult co-parents:
- Remember that you’re divorced. This person’s actions are no longer your responsibility. You don’t have to engage in childish behavior. Let them dig their own hole with absurd demands, insults, and attempts at parental alienation. The more they try to hurt you, the easier it is for you to seek a change in custody. Focus on abiding by the parenting plan and doing what’s right for your children.
- Remain calm. It may be hard to choose not to respond to drama with an emotional reaction. By reacting emotionally, you may be giving your ex exactly what they want. Document every interaction you have with your ex, especially the violent or threatening ones, and go about your day. Live your life confidently and independently as much as you can.
FAQs
Q: Which Parent Gets Custody of the Child?
A: In Kansas, custody of the child does not automatically go to the mother or the father. The court must investigate each parent’s fitness and financial situation. The court is ultimately bound to do what’s right for the child. That can mean granting full custody to either parent or pushing for joint custody, which ensures both parents are equally responsible for raising their child.
Q: Is the Child Allowed to Choose Who They Live With?
A: The child may prefer to live with one parent more than another. However, the court is not required to grant this request. If the child is considered old enough to make an informed decision about custody, the court may take that request into consideration. There are many other deciding factors that will determine custody. In the end, the court will do what it feels is right for the child’s welfare.
Q: Why Would a Parent Lose Custody of Their Child?
A: There are many different situations that would cause a parent to lose custody of their child. Primarily, evidence of abuse or neglect would likely lead to the other parent being granted full custody. It’s important to note that not every situation is like that. Sometimes, a parent may lose custody of their child simply because their financial situation makes it impossible to provide for that child. That doesn’t make them a bad parent. They can improve their situation.
Q: What Is a Parenting Plan?
A: A parenting plan is a court-ordered guideline that both parents are legally required to abide by when it comes to raising their children. A parenting plan may include a custody arrangement, a detailed schedule, emergency plans, and how to approach a parenting dispute. If one parent refuses to work with the parenting plan, it can affect the custody arrangement in the future.
Contact a Lawyer Today
At Stange Law Firm, we can help you work out a plan to deal with a combative co-parent. Contact us to speak to a valued team member about your options.
