Divorce can be difficult and emotional for families, especially children. Children may experience various emotions, such as sadness, anger, confusion, and fear. Parents need open and honest communication with their children to help them understand and cope with the changes. Here are ten tips for parents on how to talk to their children about divorce.

  1. Choose the right time and place: Choose a time and place that are comfortable and private for everyone involved. Children may be more receptive to the conversation in a familiar, safe, and relaxed environment. Try to find a time and location when there are no distractions. You will want to ensure adequate time to have the conversation and be able to answer any questions that your children may have.
  2. Be honest: Children are usually very perceptive and can sense something wrong. Be honest with your children about why the divorce is happening and assure them that the decision was not their fault. If you struggle to answer certain questions, be honest about that. Don’t be shy about saying that you do not have all the answers right now. Tell them that you will try your best and get back to them when you have more information. A child will appreciate the vulnerability and feel a sense of comfort knowing that their parents are open to discussing the situation.
  3. Use age-appropriate language: Use appropriate language for the child’s age and developmental level. Younger children may need simpler, more concrete explanations, while older children may benefit from more in-depth discussions. Avoid speaking in overly technical or legal terms, as this may be too difficult for a child to comprehend.
  4. Avoid blaming or pointing fingers: Children may feel a sense of loyalty toward one parent. Therefore, it is important to avoid blaming or pointing fingers at either parent. Instead, focus on the reasons for the divorce and the steps to ensure that everyone is taken care of.
  5. Emphasize that both parents love them: Children need to know that their parents still love them, even if they are getting a divorce. Reassure them that they will continue to have a relationship with both parents and that the love they have for them will not change.
  6. Allow children to express their feelings: Encourage them to express their concerns about the divorce. Listen to them, and provide support and understanding. If they initially do not want to talk, try encouraging them to do so in other ways, such as by drawing or writing. Let them know that it is okay to feel whatever they are feeling. It does not have to be positive or negative.
  7. Be flexible: Children may need to adjust to different living arrangements, school changes, and other factors related to the divorce. Be flexible and understanding as they navigate these changes. Discuss possible solutions together and be willing to compromise.
  8. Keep routines as consistent as possible: Children benefit from structure and routine, so keep their routines as consistent as possible in the new child custody arrangement. This includes things like meal times, bedtimes, and other daily routines. This can demonstrate how both parents are still involved in their lives. They may even feel a sense of security from the consistency.
  9. Seek support: Divorce can be difficult and emotional for everyone involved. Parents need to seek support from friends, family, and mental health professionals as required. Additionally, children may benefit from speaking with a therapist or counselor to help them process their feelings.
  10. Maintain open communication: Divorce can impact children for many years, so parents need to maintain open and honest communication with their children. Keep them informed about any changes and provide support as required. This can help ease any worries or uncertainties and help them adjust more quickly.


Q: How should I introduce the topic of divorce to my children?

A: It can be difficult to introduce the subject of divorce to children. The most important thing parents can do is make sure their children feel supported and have a non-judgmental environment in which to express their feelings. While talking about it, parents should let their children know they understand how they feel and why the decision was made. They should encourage open and honest communication. Parents must reassure their children that parental love still exists despite them no longer being together. They should also provide age-appropriate resources or support for further information about divorce and its consequences.

Q: How can I help my children adjust to the changes of divorce?

A: Providing emotional support and understanding to children during the divorce process is key to helping them adjust. Acknowledge their feelings and be available as a sounding board for them. Explain the changes in a way they can understand them, and encourage them to talk about their concerns and fears. Spend quality, one-on-one time with each child and provide consistency regarding eating, sleeping, school, and playtime. Make sure children maintain contact with both parents if possible. Permit them to feel sad or angry at times, if necessary. Additionally, you may consider providing family, friend, or professional support for your child’s age group.

Q: What if my child is acting out or becoming withdrawn?

A: If your child is acting out or becoming withdrawn due to the divorce, it can be helpful to identify the source of their behavior. It could result from feeling powerless, scared, angry, or resentful. Try to talk with them openly about how they are feeling and why they are acting out. You can also encourage age-appropriate activities that will help them release these emotions in a healthy way, such as art projects or sports. Some children may benefit from speaking with a professional therapist to help them cope with their feelings.

Q: How can I keep communication between myself and my co-parent consistent?

A: A key part of keeping communication consistent after a divorce is planning ahead regarding scheduling and decisions. Establishing regular meetings to discuss key topics such as childcare, finances, or extracurricular activities can help keep things running smoothly. You may also benefit from utilizing technology, such as shared calendars or messaging apps, to stay on the same page. Additionally, remember to show respect for your co-parent and their parenting capabilities. Find ways to compromise if differences arise.

Contact Stange Law Firm in Topeka

If you need legal advice or support, contact an experienced Topeka, KS, divorce attorney to discuss your specific case. An attorney can help you navigate the legal aspects of divorce. They can also provide additional guidance on minimizing its impact on your children.